First Year of Software Stories in Bug Norris

Tom General Manager: Lets have a party to celebrate this great year.

Alis DeptManager: What a coincidence, its also my birthday

John Salesman: Yea, i heard they found life in Mars, that’s a target group that will appreciate our software.

Tsolias TechnicalManager: I can’t come to the Party; I have so many things running around my mind that my neck hurts

Absolute ProjectManager: Lets Party for keeping dead lines, dead.

Valista Analysta: I will come to the party for you to see what you lost

Mitsos TeamLeader: Ninjas never miss a Party

Kari Developabi: Me party animal comendance

Milkbird: Business parties make Management believe that Employees are happy to work in the company and Employees that Management is happy to have them.

Java Teaching Lessons

package org.bugnorris.muchshit;

import java.sun.shine.*;
import oracle.adf.bugs.*;
import org.bugnorris.bullshit.*;

public class JabaLesson extends JavaLesson {

private JabaTeacher whoCannotDoTeaches;
private List noBrainStudents;

public JabaLesson() {
whoCannotDoTeaches = Employees.getWorst();
noBrainStudents = Employees.getRundomList();
super();
}

public void Main() {
for (int i; i <>

whoCannotDoTeaches.speakWithNoMeaning();

noBrainStudents(i).getSomeSleep();

}

noBrainStudents.allWakeUpExperts();

whoCannotDoTeaches.systemOutPrintSertificates();

}

}

Red Samurai Left.

Red Consultant: My work here is done, I have to move on.
Tom General Manager: BugNoris is grateful for the work you have done here. Keep walking.

Tom General Manager: Red is leaving, what are we going to do?
Tsolias White: A Party?

Tom General Manager: He was an Ace Samurai, where can we find an other like him?
Alis DeptManager: we can buy one from a pet shop that I am a good customer.



Tom General Manager: I think we have enough monkeys, any other suggestions?
Tsolias White: In my mind there is a black samurai



Tom General Manager: No, smoking is not allowed, even more if it is grass.
Absolute ProjectManager: May be we should get a funny samurai?



Tom General Manager: Fun is forbidden also.
Tsolias White: A blind samurai could do the job to be honest



Tsolias White: A child could also do the job.


Tom General Manager: They don't meet the BugNorris dress code
Spido: I have the perfect replacement



Tom General Manager: I can see now he was irreplaceable

Roula Rules, Thanasis Rocks

Roula: Thanasiiii may I ask you sooomething?
Thanasis: Yo

Roula: I don't know what is the problem, iy does not work, even thoough it was working 5 minutes ago, I did not change anything I swear, why I does not work now?
Thanasis: hmmm

Roula: What do you mean? Is it serious? Should I create it from the start? Oh my good, I dont bilieve it, I will get crazy. Should I ask
Kari Developabi?
Thanasis: Yo

Roula: Abiiiii may I ask you sooomething? …..

Frits: process manager

Tom General Manager: What is your expirience in process management?
I have work in Japan, if I fail I do harakiri.

Tom General Manager: what process are you goint to fix first?
The process of hand over. So people getting the job will know why the other got fired.

Frits: White we need to see the build process today
Tsolias White: Ok lets see it next week
Frits: you said the same last week
Tsolias White: Thats the current process and we keep it every week.
Frits: I have a lot of expirience in J2EE projects building process.
Tsolias White: good could you help with some bugs?
Frits: No, bugs are not on my process.

Mitsos Ninja: I heard you had expirience in japan, how are my fellows Ninjas?
Frits: They didn't like to have a process in order to kill people like me.

Poetry on Fire

Milos LovHurts:
I have a question,
In ADF section.
What is an erection?

Milkbird:
Don't you mind, take no action.
You will never need this function.

Spido:
Can I ask a quiq question?
Nothing works in my section.
Do you have any sugestion?

Milkbird:
May be use your motorbike.
It is something that you like
It is probably a strike.

Gasha Perfectcoder:
I have writen perfect code
But it is a complex node
it does not work in deploy mode.
And my boy cry at home

Milkbird
For the problem to Deploy
Dont you blame your noty boy
May be buy to it a toy.

ADF when you have tried
writing poems will never get tired
I tell you I am not a layer
I am on Fire

What is a bug?

Something, that makes testers happy to find and developers sad at the same time

Something, that makes the user wonder what he did wrong.

Something, that when you fix it you forget that you created it.

Something, that if you can’t fix it you sell it as a feature.

Something, that you can blame others for not doing your job

Something that you enjoy creating and you have a hard time to loose it (food and diet)

Many bugs mean you did a lot of job but at the same time a bad job.

Nick TheGreek Ultimate Delegator interview

Q: You know Fusion Technology?
A: No, but I can delegate someone to learn it.

Q: Can you handle work load?
A: Yes I can delegate work faster than you can assign it to me.

Q: What about Responsibility?
A: I don’t need it, it goes to the one that the work is delegated?

Q: But how will you check that the work is done?
A: That is a serious work, I will delegate it to someone else.

Q: You are hired, can you come on Monday at 9:00?
A: That is a job for the taxi driver to bring me on time.

Design discussions are like rap fights

Red Consultant:
I am an Ace
I speak with grace
there is no space
ADF is the place

Tsolias White:
I tell you mister Ace
we should use the database
ADF is for the fase
SQL is for always

Red Consultant:
ADF is the only choise
SQL is for the boys
if you want ti win te bet
listen what red has said

Tsolias White:
What you say is a slag
ADF is like a drag
you hold the ADF flag
even though its just a bug

Red Consultant:
Stop wasting my time
I will say the final line
it will also have a rime
accusing ADF is a federal crime

Important is relevant

Mitsos TeamLeader: May be we need to give programers motivation
Tom General Manager: Its more important that they dont browse around internet

Milos Designer: I have created the functionality design of the page, who will review it.
Testers will review functionality, Tom General Manager will approve colors.

Milos Designer: We have found a tool that the tester can record test cases so he does not have to run it again.
Tom General Manager: Its more important to find a tool that wake them up when they sleep.

Milos LovHurts: May be we should review more the work of developers
Tsolias White: Its more important to create a tool that will automatically fix their mistakes